Chapter 29) Late Night Party

It had seemed like a life time ago since Amelia, Sarah and Sam planned their late night get together. The week had really dragged and Amelia’s main problem wasn’t just the voices she was hearing, but the sheer boredom of being on Cherry Tree ward. It was now five o’clock on Friday evening, and Sarah still wasn’t back from her leave. Amelia went to go and find Sam, who was sat in his usual spot on the sofa in the lounge, shouting abuse at game show contestants. Amelia parked herself next to Sam, and as she did so, brushing her leg against his. Amelia felt her face burn up with embarrassment as Sam looked at her and winked cheekily. “So, erm, have you heard from Sarah today?” Amelia asked Sam sheepishly. Sam turned round and smirked at Amelia, taking his eyes off his beloved game show program. “Yes, she’s on her way back now as we speak. Operation late night shall commence after night time meds. Tongue your meds, you won’t be needing them”, Sam cackled and Amelia could not help herself but join in. “Gotcha,” Amelia winked.

After tea, Amelia escaped into her bedroom for some time alone. There had been an incident in the dining room, where a middle aged man withdrawing from alcohol had been smashing plates and was restrained by the nurses. It had left Amelia feeling frightened and vulnerable, as she was having flashbacks about her own experiences with being restrained by the nurses, and also by Lewis. Amelia tried to close her eyes and block out her thoughts, but no matter how hard she tried, it was all she could think about. “Fucking useless bimbo. You will never escape it!” Amelia covered her ears and closed her eyes out of fear.

Amelia was awakened by a loud knock on her bedroom door. “I must have dozed off”, Amelia thought to herself before opening the door. Amelia turned the silver handle on her door and was met with Sarah standing on the other side, looking slightly disheveled and bleary eyed. “I may or may not have started without you, but hi, hello, welcome to the party!” Sarah bellowed, slurring her words slightly whilst handing Amelia a bottle of what looked like water. “Shhh. It’s a secret”, Sarah whispered, whilst nudging Amelia.

 Amelia followed the stumbling Sarah into the lounge where Sam was waiting. “What time do you call this Amz? I thought you’d bailed out!” Sam joked. “I think I dozed off. These meds make me crazy tired sometimes”, Amelia said. “What have they got you on?” Sam asked, whilst Sarah was sipping the pure vodka from her water bottle. “At the moment, quetiapine and mirtazapine, with lorazepam when I need it. How about you?” Amelia replied, whilst taking a swig of vodka, instantly scrunching her face in disgust at the strong, burning taste the vodka left in her mouth. “Me? I take lithium, diazepam and venlafaxine. Meds don’t really work for me in the grand scheme of things but they do help when I get really ill. I guess they just make me be able to function. I’ve been on a lot of medication, but the lithium seems to be doing its job this time around”, Sam shared, whilst smiling at Amelia. “Don’t even talk to me about medication Samuel”, Sarah slurred, “I think I have tried every medication known to mankind!” Sam laughed, “Yes Sarah has been on nearly every antipsychotic ever invented Amelia, yet she still barely sleeps”, Sam said, whilst nudging Sarah.

 Amelia was again taken aback by how normal Sam and Sarah appeared to her. These were the last two people on earth that she would believe were in a psychiatric ward right now. Sam and Sarah had been chatting and giggling for a while, whilst Amelia smiled every now and again, but remained quiet. “What’s wrong Amelia?” Sarah asked. Amelia sighed, “I just can’t believe how normal you guys are and how easily you just seem to be able to talk about things”. Sarah and Sam giggled. “Normal?” Sam asked whilst raising his eyebrow. “Sarah here bounces back in here a month or so after she gets home because she believes that the illuminati have poisoned her tap water and injected her food with mind control drugs. And me, well, the nightmares become too much and I just give up. We have been here too many times to count, this is the only place we can be ourselves. The real world is a scary place” Sam continued, whilst Sarah gagged on the mouthful of vodka she had just glugged. “Oh, I didn’t see it like that”, Amelia replied, whilst Sam took Amelia’s hand and smiled. “Enough of the morbid talk, more conspiring!” Sam demanded.

 The trio had been making fun of the nursing staff and other patients at Cherry Tree for the past few hours, whilst receiving some unwelcome glaring from Martha, the night nurse. Martha was extremely well built, with a broad African accent. She had beautiful, natural African hair and wore a pink hair band. Unfortunately for Martha, being at work was an inconvenience to her and she often had little tolerance for her patients, especially the emotional ones. “She’s more crabby than usual”, Sam said, referring to Martha. “She’s probably on her period”, Sarah replied. “But she can’t be on her period for 365 days a year”, Sam joked, as Martha looked over at him, disapprovingly. “How come they haven’t clocked on that we’re drinking?” Amelia asked. “Because the night staff are lazy fuckers who just sit in the office all night. They only come out to do their checks or to make a drink. God forbid they have to make contact with you”, Sam explained to Amelia. “Well, I’m fucked”, Sarah announced, “I’m going to bed. The illuminati won’t want me tonight”. Amelia and Sam laughed at the state Sarah had got herself into, as she staggered down the corridor, leaving Sam and Amelia alone together.

 “Well, isn’t this cosy?” Sam said, breaking the silence as Amelia smiled coyly. “Here, lets put on some music and dance”, Sam said, whilst walking over the stereo in the lounge. There wasn’t a vast choice of what music the pair wanted to listen to, but Sam settled for a rock band compilation in the end. Sam reached for Amelia’s hand, as he started to dance to the music. Amelia began to laugh, as she felt like Sam’s dancing was less than up to scratch. It was the first time in a long while that Amelia had truly laughed without feeling shy, or feeling like she had too. She remembered that this was how she once used to feel, happy and carefree. Amelia wanted to savor the moment as she didn’t know how long this good feeling would last for, or when she would feel it again.

 Amelia and Sam had been twirling, pirouetting and head banging for an hour, laughing and giggling at each other intermittently before Sam walked over to the sofa, with Amelia joining him. “I’m knackered now Amz, you’ve officially worn me out!” Sam said whilst smirking, as Amelia smirked back. “I really like you Amelia. There’s something special about you. If you didn’t have a boyfriend and wasn’t such a gentleman, I would so kiss you right now!” Sam confessed. Amelia was flattered, but she remembered that she did indeed in fact have a boyfriend, or did she? Tom had not bothered to make any contact with Amelia in the two weeks that she had been in hospital, not even through her parents. She was hurt that he didn’t seem to care about her anymore, and that he had abandoned her at a time where she needed him the most. Amelia looked into Sam’s illuminating, green eyes, and before she knew it, they were kissing.

 Sam’s lips were warm, soft and enticing. Amelia kept her eyes closed as she ran her hands through Sam’s silky, dark brown hair, and he touching her porcelain coloured cheek. Sam eventually pulled away, “Wow”, he exclaimed, “I certainly wasn’t expecting that”. Amelia blushed and began to apologise profusely. “Don’t apologise, I kind of enjoyed that. But is this what you want?” Sam asked Amelia. “I don’t know, I honestly don’t know. I don’t know where I stand with Tom, or anything. I’m confused about everything”, Amelia stuttered, as she began to sob. Sam took Amelia’s soft, pale hand and held it in his small and sweaty hand. “It’s okay, I understand. I’m here for you, as a friend. And any time you need a cuddle, a chat, a drunken night, or even a cheeky kiss, I will be happy to oblige”, he told Amelia. Amelia grabbed Sam, holding him for no less than five minutes before the pair were interrupted by Martha. “Don’t you two think you should be in bed?” she barked. Amelia and Sam, split up and headed their separate ways to bed.

Chapter 28) Dr Fox

Amanda led Amelia into a small meeting room where a woman in a smart, peach blouse and black, A-line skirt was sitting. She was wearing glasses with a thick black frame, and had chocolate brown hair cut into a bob. The woman looked up at Amelia and smiled. “Hello Amelia, my name is Dr Fox. I am your consultant psychiatrist and I will be taking charge of your care whilst you are here”. Amelia immediately looked at the floor when Dr Fox tried to make eye contact with her dark, brown eyes. Amanda closed the door behind her, leaving Dr Fox and Amelia alone.

The room was instantly filled with awkward silence, and Amelia began shaking her legs out of nervousness. “So Amelia, tell me, how do you feel today?” Amelia continued to stare at the floor, avoiding eye contact with Dr Fox. “I will take your silence that you are not feeling too good today”, Dr Fox continued. Amelia shook her head, whilst continuing to stare at the floor. “You have pretty eyes Amelia, I would prefer to look at them rather than the top of your head”, Dr Fox said, with a little humour in her voice. Amelia smirked a little before looking up at Dr Fox. “That’s better”, Dr Fox smiled. “Do you understand why you are here Amelia?” Amelia nodded. “What would you like to get out of your stay here?” Amelia shrugged her shoulders. “Not much of a talker. That’s okay, all in good time”, Dr Fox continued. “But it would be useful for the both of us if you could tell me what is bothering you the most at the moment, so we can help you through that problem and defeat them one by one.” Amelia sighed and looked at the floor again. She took a breath as if she wanted to speak, but paused, filling the room with silence. “I…”, Amelia paused. “I… I want to be free from his power. I see his face and hear his voice everywhere I go. I feel so dirty, weak and alone. And sad”, Amelia confided, whilst tears filled her beautiful, sapphire blue eyes. “It’s okay Amelia. Please don’t be afraid of your emotions. I don’t want you to hide your pain any more”, Dr Fox stated. “I don’t want to hide it anymore either”, Amelia admitted, whilst starting to sob uncontrollably as she began to release that heavy burden she was carrying.


Dr Fox had let Amelia cry for a good fifteen minutes before Amelia began to regain her composure. “Feel better?” Dr Fox asked, breaking the silence. Amelia sniffled as she nodded. “It’s good to cry and let out those emotions. I suspect that from what you have gone through, you have kept everything bottled up, numbing everything out just so you can function”, Dr Fox stated. Amelia nodded. “Are the feelings of sadness constant?” Dr Fox quizzed. “Sometimes. Sometimes I feel angry. Sometimes I feel like something is taking over my body, that isn’t me”, Amelia told Dr Fox. “Okay, when you say you feel like something is taking over you, is it just strong emotions, or do you feel like it is something more, paranormal perhaps?” Dr Fox continued to quiz. “I guess it does feel like some sort of entity is taking over me. It’s more than just emotions, sometimes my entire persona and body changes” Amelia said. “I see…” Dr Fox replied before Amelia interrupted, “Do you think I’m Schizophrenic?”

 
Dr Fox looked into Amelia’s eyes and smiled, “No, I do not think you are Schizophrenic. I believe you are suffering with psychosis, anxiety and depression. Just because you have psychosis does not mean you have schizophrenia. Sometimes when something traumatic has happened, and memories and emotions are suppressed, they can manifest in several ways. In your case, you are depressed, anxious, suicidal and have psychotic symptoms. What I think we need to do, is treat your immediate symptoms such as the hallucinations and anxiety. I have prescribed Quetiapine for the psychosis and Lorazepam for when you are feeling extremely on edge and anxious. I will be increasing the Quetiapine twice a week to help alleviate your psychotic symptoms. I would also like to start you on an anti depressant to help with the depressive symptoms, which also helps anxiety. It is a drug called Mirtazapine. I will start you on a lower dose, see how you are getting on then increase it if we need to. All of these drugs have quite sedating effects, so you may feel out of it for a few days until they get into your system. I would like to let you settle for the first week or two before you start therapy. Therapy will bring up some unwanted memories, and it will probably make you feel worse to begin with, but we will monitor you closely here. How does that sound Amelia?”

 Amelia began to absorb the information, and it dawned on her that she would be at Cherry Tree for a long time. “So you are saying that I am going to be here for a while?” Amelia asked abruptly. “I would say a minimum of a month to be completely honest with you Amelia. I could treat your current symptoms and send you home with crisis intervention, but I feel that if I did that, you would bounce straight back in here once the therapy commenced. I would rather let you go through your worst while we can keep you safe here. If you are co-operative with your treatment plan, the section 2 you are placed under will expire and will not be renewed under a section 3 and you will be a voluntary patient here, with privileges and be allowed ground leave and home leave. But my main concern is that you deal with your problems safely”, Dr Fox continued to explain. Amelia felt a tear slide down her delicate cheek. “I know it is not ideal Amelia, but we have your best interests at heart.” Amelia feigned a smile, “I know you are right. I’m just scared I will be here forever.”

 Dr Fox leaned forward and put her hand on Amelia’s shoulder and looked into Amelia’s eyes with her dark brown, almost black eyes. Amelia wondered if Dr Fox had experienced some sort of darkness or was herself dead on the inside because of the blackness of her eyes. “You won’t be here forever honey, just until you are well enough to deal with the world again. In the mean time, I will refer you to the occupational therapist, so you can schedule in some activities to makes your days here less boring”, Dr Fox reassured Amelia, whilst smiling. “Our session is over for now, I will see you again on Monday when we have a meeting with you, the nurses, myself and my team of doctors to discuss your progress and treatment plans and any concerns”, Dr Fox told Amelia. Amelia got up and walked out the door. Amelia didn’t know if she felt better or worse. All she knew was that she didn’t want to be at Cherry Tree. She just wanted to go home, get into her bed and cry into her pillow.