CHAPTER 22) Amelia's Rampage ***TRIGGER WARNING***

Amelia sat down in the office with her parents and sister, barely acknowledging them. “Amelia!” Melanie squealed. She was so pleased and relieved to see her sister but at the same time she felt devastated because she could see how tired and ill Amelia was. Catherine began to sob at the sight of her daughter, who had been self neglecting for a long while. Larry sat there as if he was emotionless. Amelia tried not to give anyone eye contact. As far as she was concerned she was hated and unloved and everybody was probably out to get revenge on her.

“They all want you dead. Why don’t you do everyone a favour and kill yourself. Get it right this time!”

“Hello again Amelia, after having a chat with you and your family and reading your notes it is time do make a plan of how it is best to treat you. It is not an easy case by any means but I think we can achieve you becoming well again Amelia”, Dr Adams explained.

“Just tell me what the fuck is wrong with me then I can leave and go home with my family”, Amelia insisted angrily.

“I cannot make a clear cut diagnosis here as there is a history of rape, self harm, hallucinations and suicidal ideations and the potential to carry out those thoughts. We want to take the time to assess you properly and fully so we can make a correct diagnosis”, Dr Adams carried on.

“But I want to go home and you can’t stop me!” Amelia shouted, who was enraged that she was told that she could not go home.

“I strongly advise you stay in hospital as a voluntary patient otherwise we will most likely have to detain you here under the mental health act. I am not sure you quite acknowledge how seriously ill you are Amelia”, Dr Adams continued explaining.

“They are gonna lock you away. Lock you away!”

“There’s nothing wrong with me!” Amelia shrieked.

Catherine, Larry and Melanie were all dumbfounded by Amelia’s display of behaviour. “Amelia hon, you need to stay here and rest and get well”, Catherine tried explaining to her daughter.

“I AM NOT STAYING HERE!” Amelia continued to scream. Melanie left the room as she was distraught to see her sister behaving like this. “I must contact my senior urgently to discuss the possibility of having Amelia sectioned under the mental health act. We will most likely detain her under a section five, two which is a doctor’s seventy two hour hold on her while we assess and see if a section two is necessary.” Dr Adams explained as he left the room to contact his boss. By this point Amelia was hysterical and Amanda knew that if she didn’t act soon that Amelia’s behaviour would spiral out of control. “Amelia breathe honey. Calm down and take deep breaths”, Amanda said in a calm tone but Amelia was not listening. “I am leaving and you can’t stop me!” Amelia taunted Amanda and her parents. Melanie returned back in the room. She had had enough. “Amelia sit the fuck down and listen for once. You are ill you need to be in hospital. End of fucking story!” Melanie shouted. Amelia’s fury rose and she threw a chair at her sister. Amanda pressed her emergency buzzer to call for assistance to restrain Amelia. “I think it’s best if you leave the room guys, this might get ugly”, Amanda warned her family. A team of nurses and healthcare assistants from the ward and nearby wards began to assemble to restrain Amelia.

Amelia was frightened. She had never seen so many people gang up on her before. “Go away and leave me alone, leave me alone now!” Amelia demanded whilst throwing a chair across the room at the team of nurses. “Amelia if you do not co-operate we will have to restrain you. Now please, put the chair down and sit down”, Amanda said firmly.
“You can’t restrain me against my will. Fuck off all of you!” Amelia screamed.

“This is your last chance Amelia, either you co-operate or we will have to restrain you. The doctor is getting ready to detain you and you will be under a section any minute now, please co operate with us”, Amanda firmly said again.

“No, you’re all in this together. You want me to fucking suffer. Get the fuck away from me you fucking bitch!”Amelia shrieked. Amanda nodded at her colleagues and they promptly restrained Amelia. Amelia began kicking, screaming and shouting but to no avail. Another nurse with short, brown hair entered the room and gave Amelia and injection in her upper arm to try and calm her down. The team then carried Amelia into an isolation cell, where she was locked in and on her own. “You bastards! You fucking bastards!” Amelia shouted whilst punching the wall. Amelia carried on her tirade for a good fifteen minutes before she eventually wore herself out and fell asleep.

CHAPTER 21) The Assessment ***TRIGGER WARNING***

Amelia slouched on the pink armchair, staring out of the window. “Whore”. She was disrupted from her daydreaming when Amanda returned with a doctor to assess and admit Amelia to the ward. “Hello Amelia, I’m Dr Adams and I will be completing your admission today and Amanda here will fill in her nursing notes at the same time. So what has been going on Amelia?” Dr Adams asked.

“Nothing I’m fine”, Amelia argued.

“According to your admission notes from the emergency department you were talked out of a suicide attempt by the police. Why did you want to kill yourself?” Dr Adams asked.

“I didn’t”, Amelia replied.

“So you did not want to kill yourself? You had no suicidal thoughts at all when you were on the bridge?” Dr Adam’s persisted.

“Lying fucking whore. Always fucking lying. Smack him. He’s a twat. Smack him.”

“I don’t know, maybe” Amelia replied begrudgingly.

“What made you feel that way?” Dr Adams said.

“I don’t want to answer these fucking stupid questions”, Amelia snapped. Amanda and Dr Adams looked at each other. “Amelia sweetie we just need to find out what you were feeling at the time so we can help you get the right treatment” Amanda intervened.

“Okay let us go back to when you ran away. What triggered that feeling that made you run away?” Dr Adams attempted to assess Amelia again.

“I didn’t run away. I just needed to be on my own” Amelia replied.

“Why was that? Did you have an argument? Did something bad happen?” asked Dr Adams. Amelia began to well up with tears. “My nightmare came true. I was raped five years ago by a guy and he turned out to be my boyfriend’s brother. He tried again and tried to beat me up. I tried to tell people but nobody supported me. I left my boyfriend’s house after a fight.” Amelia replied.

“Was this the first time you ever felt depressed or low or down in the dumps?” asked Dr Adams.

“Moron what a fucking moron. Punch him. He deserves it”.

“Well when I was raped I did, you moron of course I was depressed and since I have been tortured and controlled all I am is depressed!” Amelia snapped.

“Do you feel suicidal? Like you want to harm yourself?” Dr Adams persisted.

“Well I nearly jumped off a bridge didn’t I? And I bled all over the hospital toilet. You have the notes there why ask me these fucking stupid questions?” Amelia demanded furiously.

“If we discharged you now would you consider hurting yourself?” asked Dr Adams.

“Yes”, said Amelia.

“Do you have a plan?” asked Dr Adams.

“I’d jump off the bridge”, replied Amelia.

“How long have you been self harming?” Dr Adams inquired.

“Please can you stop with the questions already?” Amelia demanded.

“Amelia you are doing brilliantly hun, just let us ask a few more questions” encouraged Amanda.

“I’m fed up of these questions. Basically I was tortured by Lewis and now he controls me and my mind. I self harm and I want to die. Please let me go now!” Amelia begged

“Okay that is enough for the moment, I will have a talk with my colleague and she may want to come and speak to you”, Dr Adams responding, sensing how agitated Amelia was getting.

“They can all fuck off. You can fuck off. Go and hang yourself. I am sure you can manage that here.”

Amanda and Dr Adams left the room and entered the office in which Amelia’s family had occupied. “Is she okay? What did she say?” Melanie inquired.

“She didn’t want to answer too many questions but from the assessment in Accident and Emergency and from what she has said we have a little idea of what is going on but we would like to have a talk with you guys first”, Dr Adams said.

“Okay well what do you want to know?” Larry asked.

“Is Amelia normally fit and well? No medical conditions? Taking any medications at all?” Dr Adams asked.

“No she is pretty healthy”, Catherine replied.

“Is there a history of mental illness in the family?” Dr Adams asked.

“Nobody that I can think of can you?” Larry asked the others who shook their head.

“Have you noticed a change in her behaviour recently? Is she low, flat or depressed or can she seem euphoric or elated? Or a bit of a mix of the two?” pursued Dr Adams.

“Well she’s mainly been very down and very avoidant recently” Catherine said.

“Let’s face it her behaviour has been erratic. She has been severely self harming, avoiding us and her boyfriend when normally she is bubbly and friendly. We found her a few nights ago smashing her bedroom mirror because she could see faces in it and could hear voices. She goes missing for days on end and tries to throw herself off a bridge? Oh and tablets have gone missing from our house and she has a room full of knives and blades? Anything else you want to know?” Melanie snapped.

“Is there any particular reason for such erratic behaviour like this?” Dr Adams inquired.

“Oh you mean she found out that her rapist is her boyfriend’s brother who has also been tormenting her and I find him beating her up in her bedroom. That could have something to do with it”, shouted Melanie.

“Okay how do you feel she is? Do you think she would be safe without immediate treatment?” Dr Adams persisted.

“No, she would be a danger”, Melanie replied.

“I wouldn’t be happy with it, we have been trying to get her to see her GP but she refused to”, Catherine added.

“Okay Amanda, if you could bring Amelia in please”. Amanda scribbled down the rest of her notes then left the room to fetch Amelia.

CHAPTER 20) Cherry Tree Ward ***TRIGGER WARNING***

The nurse with short, black hair escorted Amelia to the psychiatric ward along side the police officers. Amelia was still handcuffed and it was a short car journey to the back of the hospital to reach the psychiatric unit. Amelia’s heart was in her mouth and she was extremely anxious. What would the other patients be like? What were the nurses like? Would she ever get out of the ward? Amelia’s head was racing with thoughts. “Bitch, bitch, fat, ugly bitch got what she deserved”. They had arrived at the psychiatric unit and the police escorted Amelia and the nurse with short black hair into the department. They followed the signs for “Cherry Tree Ward”. They reached the ward fairly quickly as it was the first ward on the left hand side of the long corridor and waited to be let in the ward as the door was locked. Amelia noticed how modern the building was. It was bright and cheerful and had paintings on the wall, some of which looked like they had been painted by patients.

Eventually the door to the ward opened and Amelia, the nurse and police officers were greeted by a cheerful healthcare assistant in a purple uniform. “Hiya, my name’s Rachel if you’d just like to follow me into this room and we will come and see you in a jiffy. Just gotta speak with this nurse hon and then will come and ask ya for a drink”, the cheery healthcare assistant said to Amelia. Rachel lead Amelia and the police officers into a fairly small, but nicely painted room off the left hand side of the corridor. “If you’d like to take her cuffs off you can go after we’ve had a handover”, Rachel said to the police officers. Amelia was sat on the pink, leather seats, staring at the window. “Locked away for good now. Loser. Loser bitch. Ugly, fat bitch. Never gonna see the light of day again”. Amelia began to cry. She felt so alone and she really needed her family right now.

The nurse from Accident and Emergency sat in the office, waiting to give the ward nurses information about Amelia. “Gosh I don’t very often get to come down here, it’s quite posh now isn’t it?” the nurse with short, black hair said.

“Yeah they have redecorated and added and extension which is where the new psychiatric intensive care unit is and therapy centre is”, said one of the nurses who had plaited, blonde hair with bright blue eyes. “So this is Amelia we have got, I understand she has had a time of it recently? Want to give handover?”

“Yes yes. Well I have brought you Amelia Rose. She is twenty years old and she is sat in the side room up the corridor. Well Amelia was brought to us on a section 136 after being talked down off a bridge by one of the police negotiators. She apparently mentioned something about being raped in the past and was possibly sexually assaulted last night. As she was in a state the police forensics team haven’t had chance to grab a swab so they will be here later. Amelia has been missing from home for several days, not sure why she disappeared yet but claims to be controlled by voices that she is hearing in her head. She pulled a little stunt in the emergency department as she managed to get hold of a needle and sneak it past staff and the police and was found with a needle sticking out of her arm in the toilet with blood everywhere from bloodletting. Her body is covered in cuts and she has quite clearly been severely self harm recently. We had trouble persuading her to come to the ward but the doctor down there threatened her with a doctors hold section then she agreed to come for further assessment.  She has had oral diazepam for agitation and she also had intravenous lorazepam and haloperidol, the dosages are on her drugs chart. Her family have been contacted and will be arriving here shortly” the nurse with short, black hair informed the staff.

“Oh gosh, sounds like we are in for a busy shift then folks, potential candidate for the intensive care unit methinks. Okay hon thank you very much for the handover”, the nurse with blonde, plaited hair said to the nurse from Accident and Emergency who then swiftly left.

“Well who wants to do Amelia’s admission or am I the only taker?” joked the nursed with plaited blonde hair. She walked up the corridor and greeted Amelia. “Hi there Amelia, my name is Amanda and when the doctor arrives I will be completing your admission. It consists of taking notes of what you are saying and then the doctor’s plan of action. The nurse said your family are on the way and it might be useful for us to speak to them, if that is okay with you?” Amanda asked.

“Err, sure, whatever”, Amelia said, unenthusiastically.

“Okay hon would you like a drink or anything?” Amanda asked Amelia.

“No. I am fine thank you”, Amelia snapped.

Amelia’s mum, dad and sister arrived shortly and were anxious to see Amelia. “I want to see my daughter”, Larry demanded at the reception desk. Amanda left the room to attend to Amelia’s parents. “Hello there, is it Mr and Mrs Rose? Hi there my name is Amanda. I am the nurse who will be completing Amelia’s admission once the doctor arrives”, Amanda informed Amelia’s family.

“What has happened? Is she okay? We know nothing we just got a call saying she was being transferred here!” Melanie inquired ferociously.

“If you’d like to step into this office here with me and I will give you a quick summary now of what has happened so far. I don’t think it is beneficial to discuss this in front of Amelia right now and she has given me her consent to speak to you”, Amanda said, in a very professional manner.

“Go on...” Melanie said.

“I understand that Amelia had been missing from home for several days. Last night she reported to have possibly been sexually assaulted and the police forensic team have yet to take samples and statements from her but she has not been fit to do so yet. She was found threatening to jump off a bridge a few miles away from here and was talked down by police negotiators. She was arrested on a section 136 which is what the police use to detain members of the public who pose a risk to themselves in public and move them to a safe place such as a hospital or police station. While she was in the emergency department, she managed to commandeer a needle and self harm with it in the toilets and needed to be restrained. She has been medicated as she has been severely agitated and has claimed to be hearing voices. She seems calm now, a little down but much calmer than has been reported”, Amanda told Amelia’s family.

“When can we see her? She must be scared and frightened?” Catherine inquired.

“I have just seen the doctor arrive, we will want to assess Amelia and then speak to you guys separately, then as a family to talk about the treatment plan, so approximately half an hour or so? I will get Rachel to offer you something to drink and something to eat.” Amanda said. Larry sighed.
“I suppose so then, and we can stay here until then, right?” Amanda nodded her head and then left the room.

CHAPTER 19) Needles ***TRIGGER WARNING***

The paramedics and the police officers escorted Amelia into the Accident and Emergency department. One of the nurses showed Amelia and the police officers into a bay and then took Amelia’s details from the paramedics and typed them into the computer by Amelia’s bedside. The police took the handcuffs off Amelia and then sat down on some chairs inside the cubicle. “Take care Amelia, hope you feel better soon”, one of the paramedics said as they left. Amelia was feeling restless and fidgety. “Hello there Amelia, my name is Sarah. I have just come to take your blood pressure. If there’s anything I can do, just let me know.” The nurse began to wrap the blood pressure cuff around Amelia’s arm when Amelia said, “There’s nothing wrong with me. I’ve calmed down can I go home now?”

“Amelia you have to wait to see the see doctor, you know that. Besides you need your swabs taking”, barked the pointy nosed, female police officer.

“I can’t let you go just yet Amelia, are you feeling anxious? You seem to be fidgeting a little”, Sarah asked. Sarah was of a medium height and build with curly ginger hair. She looked young, not much older than Amelia and was kind and considerate. “Yes, I am feeling anxious. I am scared of what will happen to me”, Amelia cried, beginning to sob.

“That is understandable. Hospitals can be scary places. I will get you something to help with the anxiousness. The doctor will come to see you in a short while to assess you.” Amelia smiled at Sarah but she still did not feel any calmer.

Sarah came back fifteen minutes later with a tablet for Amelia. “The doctor has prescribed you some diazepam for now to help with feeling anxious. He will be with you within the next hour or so”. Sarah then left the cubicle and she took her tablet. Amelia couldn’t get comfy on her trolley. She tossed and turned, sat up and then lay back down. “Will you sit still Amelia? You are making me feel restless” the male police officer said. He was chubby, with dark brown hair with a mole on the side of his nose. He did not seem to be very sympathetic towards Amelia and she got the impression that he thought she was a timewaster. Amelia took notice of her surroundings. The walls were painted blue and there was a big nurses and doctors station in the middle of the emergency room. There were phones ringing and people using the computers, but it did not seem like any of the staff were actually busy or doing anything. Amelia noticed an old lady in the opposite cubicle. The old lady seemed confused and kept packing her clothes into a carrier bag. “Will you go and help that lady?” Amelia asked the police officers, who just looked at each other and tutted. Amelia couldn’t rest and felt sad for the confused old lady, sad that nobody would go and help her.

Amelia stared at the curtain by her bedside, it contained different tones of blue and Amelia wondered if the idea was to make the department look and feel cold. Amelia could not sit still any longer, she needed to walk about. “Erm excuse me, I hate to ask but I really feel like I need to stretch my legs. I feel very claustrophobic in here”, Amelia asked the police officers.

“Oh alright then, in five minutes when it’s switchover I’ll get the other officers to take you for a walk. They are on their way now”, the female officer replied. Amelia slumped back onto her bed. She didn’t know if she could wait five minutes. She felt like she could scream the entire hospital down with frustration. “They’re going to lock you away for a long time.”

It was almost eight in the morning and the next pair of police officers arrived to supervise Amelia. Momentarily, Amelia was alone in the cubicle and she had spotted an unopened green needle on the table side next to her. She reached over to it and hid it up her sleeve. By this time she was extremely agitated and needed a release. “Go on, do it. Bleed to death. Ugly, psychotic bitch. You will rot in a padded cell. I hate you”. Two male officers entered the cubicle and greeted Amelia. They seemed a lot more cheerful than the previous pair and Amelia feigned a smile for them. One of the officers was young, tall and skinny with spiked up brown hair. The other officer was short, fat and bald but was very cheerful. Amelia had to seize her chance. She needed to hurt herself but she just needed some privacy to do so. “Err, excuse me, can I go to the toilet please? The others made me wait for you to get here and I’m really desperate”, Amelia lied.

“Liar. Fucking liar”.

“Sure I’ll escort you”, the fat, bald officer said cheerfully. They walked over the toilet. It was a single toilet which locked from the inside. “I can’t go in with you but I will be waiting outside. Keep the door unlocked just in case we need to get in or there’s an emergency or something” the police officer said. Amelia felt a little guilty for what she was about to do because he was so cheerful and polite but she had to make herself feel better.

Amelia sat on the toilet and untied her shoe lace. She took her lace out of the holes of her trainer and pulled it out. She took off her grubby, dirty hoodie and tied it around her waist. She tied the trainer lace as hard as she could get it round the top of her arm to serve as a tourniquet. She opened the packet of the unused needle quietly so it didn’t rustle too much and took off the cap with her teeth and felt around her arm for a vein. She felt a nice bulging vein and then inserted the needle into her arm. She felt a small sharp scratch and felt her warm, crimson coloured blood trickle out. She let her arm bleed for a while. She enjoyed the sight of her own blood and she enjoyed the release that bloodletting gave her. Amelia was almost in a trance and couldn’t hear the policeman outside the toilet calling her name. He barged in and saw Amelia slumped on the toilet with the needle sticking out of her arm, letting her blood trickle out. He pushed the panic alarm into the wall and doctors and nurses came rushing to the small toilet cubicle.

A nurse with short, black hair fetched some gauze and removed the needle from Amelia’s arm, putting pressure on the wound and stuck the gauze to her arm with tape. Amelia appeared catatonic for a while, not blinking, pale and was not responding to the nurses and doctors who were around her. “You have fucking done it now. Now you have pissed everyone off. Ugly girl. Ugly, stupid girl. I hope they lock you away. You are nothing. Nothing! And you will rot in your shit!” Amelia started to scream and lash out at anybody who tried to help her. “Amelia you need to remain calm for us darling, getting angry won’t help”, a nurse said to her.

“What the fuck would you know, tell them to get off me. Get off me!” Amelia screamed as the police officers tried to restrain her. The nurses had called security who was also aiding the police in restraining Amelia. The police managed to get Amelia’s hands behind her back and handcuff her, while a doctor injected some medicine into Amelia’s buttock. She struggled and shouted but could not get out of the restraint she was in.

After a few minutes the drugs began to take effect. Amelia felt sleepy and couldn’t fight against the police or security anymore. A male nurse with short grey hair and grey eyes wheeled Amelia back to her bed in her wheelchair where the security guards observed her while the police spoke to the nurses and doctors. “How on earth did she get hold of that needle?” one of the doctors questioned. “Well she was cuffed and searched before she came in and had nothing on her but Xanax which was taken from her possession. She must have got the needle from here somewhere”, the fat, bald police officer stated, who was not quite so cheerful anymore. “If there was a needle lying around she may have got it before we came on shift or she could have picked it up in the toilet itself”.

“Why wasn’t a better eye being kept on her?” the nurse with the short black hair inquired.

“She was calm, compliant and she left the door open. I am male I couldn’t go in the toilet with her and it was undignified to keep the door open so I could see her.”

“If a patient wants to harm themselves they will find a way to do so. We shouldn’t blame ourselves but we need to document this medically and you guys should document it also to cover your backs”, the doctor said to the police. “I think this leaves us no choice but to send her to the psychiatric unit to be assessed fully by the psych doctors. Has anybody contacted this girls’ family?” the doctor went on to say.

Amelia had fallen asleep on the trolley and was awoken by a gentle prod by a Chinese doctor, with glasses who was wearing blue scrubs. “Hello Amelia, my name is Doctor Ling and I have been asked to have a little talk with you. I hear you have been having emotional problems and tried to kill yourself earlier and tried to harm yourself further in the department.”

“I am fine, can I go home now?” Amelia said groggily, trying to shake the doctors’ hand but missing connection. “I don’t think home is the safest place for you right now Amelia especially with the thought of suicide and hearing voices, would you agree?” Doctor Ling continued.

“You’ve done it now. You’re going to be locked up forever. Well deserved you stupid cunt.”

“I don’t want to be sent away. I’m not going to nut house. Get away from me!” Amelia shrieked. The nurse with short black hair heard Amelia in distress and came in to hold her hand which seemed to calm her down a little. “Sweetheart we just want you to be safe”, she said whilst stroking her hand.

“If you do not co operate we will have to detain you involuntarily which is not good for you and we don’t want to do that”, Doctor Ling continued.

“I’m just scared. I’m scared everyone thinks I’m crazy. I want my sister and my boyfriend; will you call them for me? I don’t want to be alone. I feel like a criminal with these cuffs on”, Amelia stated.

“I will call them for you Amelia, is the number for your sister on your mobile?” the nurse with short black hair asked.

“Yes, don’t call my parents. They will freak out. My sister is Melanie. Tell Melanie where I am. I’ve been missing for days so everyone will be worried. Can I have the cuffs off now? I won’t kick off anymore”, Amelia asked.

“I’m afraid they will have to stay on until you get onto the psychiatric ward because you have made an attempt to harm yourself and have had to be restrained”, the skinny, young police officer said.

Amelia sighed but she was drowsy and there was nothing she could do about the situation. She really didn’t want to have to be admitted to the psychiatric ward. Maybe she could lie and get herself out of there when she was on the ward?

CHAPTER 18) The Bridge ***TRIGGER WARNING***

“Dirty worthless whore. No one will have you now!”

“What shall I do? I have nowhere to go”, Amelia sobbed.

“You’re only option is to kill yourself. You can’t go home. You can’t go back to the rapist. Kill yourself.”

“But I am scared. How can I do it? I tried overdosing on diazepam and codeine but it didn’t work. I was just all sleepy”, Amelia stated.

“Keep walking. I will tell you to stop”. Amelia carried on walking through the deserted streets. There were no cars, no pedestrians, just Amelia. The streets were dimly light and she walked past many terraced houses. Amelia would have done anything to be at home right now but she knew she couldn’t go back. She knew she was unloved and she knew that nobody would want her tarnished soul. Amelia wandered across a bridge when she heard somebody yell, “Stop, stop here!”  Amelia came to a sudden halt and wondered why she had stopped here. “Kill yourself. Jump off and kill yourself. Worthless bitch, jump. Jump. Kill yourself and jump.”

Amelia looked over the edge and gulped. Underneath the bridge was a busy motorway. At present it was quiet and there were few cars traveling but in a few hours time it would be extremely busy. “You’re weak. Raped twice. No one will want you now. Jump while you still have some dignity”.

“Tom hates you. You’re a liar. This is all in your head. Do us a favour. Melanie will fuck Tom when you’re gone.” Amelia again gazed over the edge of the bridge. Could she really do it? Could she really jump? She began to think of how worthless she was, how dirty she was and how nobody would love her again. She knew that she had hurt all her family and Tom and that they wouldn’t want her back. Who would love damaged goods again? Amelia climbed over the railings and closed her eyes.

“Do it you pussy, you weakling. Be strong, be strong.” Amelia was holding on for her life to the railings. Any sudden movement or one wrong step and she would fall. “What are you waiting for? Jump!” Amelia began having flashbacks of her rape. She felt as disgusting as she did on that night. She would always be under Lewis’ control. Even though she had run away, he had still managed to control her and he was controlling her now. Amelia needed to be free, but she needed time before she took the step to end of her life. “What’s taking so long? Jump already! What more persuasion do you need? You’re ugly, fat, disgusting, horrible, a psycho, a whore, dirty, tarnished, a failure, stupid, and a monster. Die cunt, die!” Amelia took a deep breath and was about to jump when she heard sirens and cars pulling up behind her.

“Dirty whore, slut, tramp. Jump before they get you!” Amelia began to panic. She wanted to jump but she heard a load of police officers behind her, shouting at her. She was at a crossroads and she didn’t know what to do. A female police officer began talking to her. “Hey there sweetheart, my name is Kirsty and I am a police officer. I want to help you okay. What’s your name?” Kirsty said. Kirsty was quite short, plump, with mouse brown hair and sparkling blue eyes that Amelia was drawn too.”I don’t want to tell you my name. You might lock me up”, Amelia replied.

“Why do you think that I would lock you up?” Kirsty replied.

“Because I want to kill myself”, Amelia responded.

“What has made you feel this way? Why do you feel like you need to kill yourself?” Kirsty asked.

“Don’t give me away. Tell them it’s all your idea. I’m innocent”

“I have done many bad things. I don’t want to talk about them”, said Amelia.

“That’s okay. I understand but it doesn’t have to remain this bad forever. I can help you” Kirsty said, trying to reassure Amelia.

“She’s lying. She doesn’t want to help. She wants to lock you away forever. Kill yourself now”

“Do you really want to help me?”Amelia asked Kirsty.

“Yes I do want to help you. I can see you are hurting and in a lot of pain. I can help you.” Kirsty said.

“Why do you want to help me? Because it’s your job or because you care?” Amelia snapped.

“Well, I wouldn’t do the job if I didn’t care sweetheart. Does that answer your question?” Kirsty asked Amelia.

“No one cares like I do. Jump. Jump. Jump!”

“Shutup! Let me think!” Amelia screamed. “Wait Kirsty! I’m sorry I wasn’t shouting at you!”

“Who were you shouting at?” Kirsty replied.

“I have a friend. They tell me I am worthless and that I should jump.  They tell me I am a dirty whore and no one will want me?” Amelia admitted.

“You told her about us. How could you? Evil slut!”

“Are they here with you now? What is your friend saying?” Kirsty inquired.

“I don’t see them but I hear them. They called me an evil slut because I told you about them. They keep telling me to jump”, replied Amelia.

“Slut jump. Slut jump!”

“Do you really want to jump? Or does your friend want you to jump?” Kirsty asked.

“Both really. My name is Amelia. You have pretty eyes” said Amelia.

“Thank you Amelia. Your eyes are pretty too and sparkle like diamonds. Why do you want to kill yourself?” Kirsty persisted.

“I won’t jump if you lock him up”, Amelia said, randomly.

“Who do you want locking up?” Kirsty asked tentatively.

“My boyfriend’s brother Lewis. He did this. He did it all. He did this”, replied Amelia.

“What did Lewis do?” Kirsty asked.

“Tell her you deserved what you got. You nasty, dirty skank”.

“He’s a monster. He’s tortured me and wants me dead!” Amelia shouted. “I will come down if you arrest him”.

“What did he do Amelia?” Kirsty persisted.

“Just lock him up and I will come down!” Amelia shrieked. She was now hysterical. She didn’t understand why Kirsty and the rest of the police wanted her to come down from the railings. She didn’t know why anyone cared.

“Amelia sweet, we can’t do anything unless you talk to us hon.  I need you to be honest.” Kirsty insisted.

“Will you be honest with me?” Amelia asked.

“Yes Amelia, I will be honest with you”, Kirsty said whilst smiling at Amelia.

“What will you do if I come down? What will happen?” Amelia asked, while struggling to get out her words.

“Throw yourself off and die bitch!”

“Well first of all you must be freezing up there so we will give you a blanket to try and warm you up a bit. A couple of my colleagues here will escort you to the hospital in the ambulance where you will be checked over by the doctors to make sure you have no injuries and are okay. They may want you to stay to speak to one of their colleagues who specialises in mental health.” Kirsty explained.

“Do you think I’m crazy?” Amelia asked Kirsty.

“You are fucking insane. Crazy, worthless bitch!”

“No Amelia, I do not think you are crazy. I just think you are hurting right now and need some support and assistance to make it through. You don’t have to do this alone”, Kirsty reassured Amelia.

“Lewis raped me five years ago. I got over it but I found out he’s my boyfriend’s brother. He’s threatened me, tried beating me and tried raping me again since. I see him everywhere and he has infected my brain. He did this to me. I need him out of my brain”, Amelia cried.

“That must have been terrible for you Amelia, no human deserves to be violated like that. We can get you the right help Amelia. When you are down from here we can take a statement from you and see where we go from there” Kirsty informed Amelia.

“I want swabs at the hospital. DNA swabs. I was in a house. Lewis was there and some of his druggie friends. His friend Ralph gave me Xanax. I had some, they are still in my pocket now actually. When I woke up Ralph was on top of me and my knickers were down to my knees. I don’t know if anything happened. I just woke up”, Amelia sobbed.

“You wanted it you lying cow, you wanted to be raped!”

“That must have been so scary for you hon. One of our special forensic nurses will have to take the swabs though, if that is okay? We will come and take a statement later on”, Kirsty informed Amelia and Amelia nodded her head. Amelia then climbed over the bridge railings and Kirsty and another officer helped her down and Amelia gave Kirsty a hug and Kirsty held Amelia in her arms and eventually pulled away.

“What will happen now is the police are going to detain you on a section 136, which is a power to remove a person who appears to be in mental distress to a place of safety, in your case the hospital. It will last for seventy two hours or until a decision has been made about your care. My officers will cuff you temporarily which is to ensure your own safety and will escort you into the back of the ambulance”, Kirsty explained.
“I don’t want to be cuffed. I’m not gonna kick off I promise. I’m too tired for that”, Amelia argued. Another female officer who had a sharp, pointy nose began to place handcuffs on Amelia. “I don’t want to be cuffed! Get off me! I want Kirsty to come to with me to the hospital not you, you stupid bitch! Get off me!” Amelia protested. She began to struggle and two other officers came and restrained her and aided her to the floor. Amelia broke down in tears. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“I hope you feel better soon”, Kirsty said, “and I will leave my details with the paramedics.”

“Thank you Kirsty, thank you!” Amelia said as the police officers helped her to her feet. They escorted her into the back of the ambulance. Amelia was scared. She didn’t know what to expect or whether she would be locked up for good. She wondered if her parents and her sister were okay because she missed them dearly. She missed Tom too. The ambulance began moving and tears filled Amelia’s eyes as she laid on stretcher as the sun began to rise.

CHAPTER 17) Squatting **TRIGGER WARNING***

It had been almost forty eight hours since Amelia had gone missing. Tom and his family along with Melanie and her family had been searching nonstop for Amelia. The police had also been searching for her too as they were worried about her mental health. Lewis had been released from police custody and although he had been kicked out of the family home, he had embarked on his own search for Amelia.

Night was about to fall and Amelia was shivering. She had found herself amongst a large exodus of trees. Her clothes were grubby and there were small nicks in her tracksuit bottoms around the knees. “You’re nothing. Let him rape you. You enjoyed it. Call him. Call him you dirty slut.” Amelia looked at her phone. “Do it. Let him abuse you.” Amelia didn’t want to call Lewis, but her new friend knew best. Her new friend knew everything about her, her dreams, her life, her hopes and her secrets. Amelia scrolled through her phone and called Lewis. There was no answer. The number she had for Lewis was the number he had used to send her abusive messages on. She tried calling it again but there was no answer. “Whore, dirty whore. Die, dirty whore, die.”

“Mum did you hear that buzzing coming from Lewis’ room?” Tom asked.

“Yes I did, it sounded like a phone vibrating”, Debbie replied. They rushed into Lewis’ room frantically searching for where the mysterious buzzing noise was coming from. “It could be Amelia”, Tom hoped. Tom was rummaging through the drawers while Deb was on her hands knees looking under the bed. She then lifted the mattress off the bed and found an old, grey phone. “Tom! Look, I’ve found a phone. It says two missed calls from “Bitch”. It could be Amelia!” Deb shrieked in both accomplishment and panic. Tom grabbed the phone off his mother and immediately called the number back there was no answer. “Damn it!” Tom yelled. “Why would she call him anyway?” Tom checked the number on the old, grey phone with his number for Amelia. “It matches mum, it matches! Why the fuck is she calling this number if he really did rape her?” Tom shouted. Tom began to click through the inbox on the mobile phone and Tom was disgusted by what he saw. He saw countless threats from Lewis to rape and kill Amelia and saw the abusive messages that he had sent her. “Look at this shit mum”. Tom felt sick. He could not believe that that he was related to a monster.

Amelia had now exited the exodus of trees and was now walking on the pavement of a busy road which was about half an hour away from where she lived. She was tired, her feet hurt and she needed a rest. She saw a bench further down the road and sat on it. It was not like her old picnic bench in her back garden. It was made of metal, and it was cold and hard but at least it meant Amelia got to rest for a while. It wasn’t long till a man dressed in a hoodie with a scarf wrapped around his face came and asked Amelia if she needed a place to crash for a few days. “I don’t even know who you are”, Amelia told the stranger.

“Oh you know me, better than you think”, the mysterious man said with menace in his voice.

“Go with him, go with him, hide with him. Fuck him, fuck him”. Amelia smiled and thanked the man, “Thank you for your kindness but I can only stay one night”. The man said nothing, but grabbed Amelia’s hand and dragged her down a dark, dingy side street. He removed his scarf and attempted to kiss Amelia, but Amelia backed off. When she looked into the man’s face, she turned a lighter shade of white and her heart sank.

“You’re an actual dirty whore Amelia”, Lewis said, in a menacing voice. “Did you think you would get away with your bullshit that easily? Did you think running away would be that easy? You were actually going to stay with a strange man? You disgust me!”

“You’re disgusting, disgusting and worthless. Loved by none, hated by all!”

“I just needed a place to crash. I can’t go home Lewis. Neither can you.” Amelia stated.

“What is this? A proposition?” Lewis smiled.

“Yes!  Have him. Take him. Fuck him. You forgive him. He is the only one who will take you now you dirty slut. Dirty slut!”

“No. Just help me run away. You want me gone, so help me. Please!” Amelia pleaded.

“Coward. Whore. Slut.”

“Hah! You asking me for help? You lost me my family, my home and now you expect me to help you? You should be helping me! You know you wanted to fuck me that night Amelia, just like you want to fuck me now!” Lewis taunted.

“How did you find me?” Amelia asked. Lewis grabbed her face and kissed her on the lips.

“Who couldn’t smell a tramp like you?” Lewis replied, smirking.

“Tramp, tramp, tramp!”

“Alright then, come round here, round the back and chill for a bit. Some of my mates squat here. You owe me!” Lewis said.

“Okay I will tell everyone I made it up. I will write a letter. I promise!” Amelia exclaimed.

“Just get some sleep”, Lewis said, who had an evil plan up his sleeve.

It was cold in the old, terraced house. There was no heating and it was now November. Amelia was exhausted. She needed to get some sleep and found and old duvet upstairs. She found herself a little corner and rolled the duvet around her so she was not lying on the hard, cold floor. It was dark as the house had no electricity and Amelia began to listen to the traffic outside. She could hear the city moving; even though it was late it didn’t sleep. She had turned on her side when her thoughts were interrupted by Lewis. “Can we just put all of this behind us now? We both have nothing left. Both of our families hate us so why should we lose each other?” Lewis questioned Amelia. Amelia felt sick. She hated Lewis and she was sure that he hated her too but he was right. What did she have left? “Err okay then”, Amelia agreed. Lewis slumped down next to her and put his arm around her.

“I don’t hate you, you know Amelia”, he said. Amelia was taken by surprise and couldn’t bring herself round to say anything. “I know I did you wrong. I didn’t rape you Amelia, it wasn’t rape. It was love. You are beautiful and I wanted to love you. When I found out you were with my brother, I was jealous. I pretended to hate you. But now I have you”. Amelia stayed silent. She was speechless and unaware of Lewis’ motives. “Ungrateful slut. No one wants you. He’s lying. The rapist hates you.”

“If you want something to help you sleep, the guys downstairs will give you something”, Lewis said whilst getting up and leaving Amelia to her thoughts.

It was now late into the night and Amelia couldn’t sleep. She took a wander around the almost derelict, terraced house. It saddened Amelia to see a house in such disarray. It had probably once belonged to an old couple who had spent their entire lifetime living there. There were cracks in the walls and the wallpaper was outdated.There was a horrible fusty smell in the house. Amelia wandered into what looked like the kitchen when she heard a voice. “Can’t sleep?” said a guy with long, greasy hair, old ripped jeans and green bomber jacket. “No, I guess not”, Amelia replied.

“Have these, they will make you sleepy. Don’t worry they aint illegal. It’s Xanax, take them” the guy said. Amelia took the packet of Xanax and took a couple of the pills. “Thank you”, Amelia said with a smile. “My name’s Ralph and you must be Amelia? Lewis said you were here”, Ralph said. Amelia smiled politely and went back upstairs into her little spot she had made for herself and rolled herself back up again in the duvet. Amelia had become spaced out, but she felt relaxed so she began to shut her eyes in an attempt to get some sleep.

Amelia had tried to turn over, but she couldn’t. She felt like she was being crushed, like there was something heavy on top of her. She tried to open her eyes but they felt sore and her vision was extremely blurry. She blinked several times so she could clear her eyes to see what was stopping her from moving. She managed to open her eyes eventually and noticed that there was a figure on top of her and that she had become unwrapped from the duvet. She clenched her fist and punched the figure so hard that it fell from on top her. “I was only checking to see if you were breathing!” the figure replied.

“Oh so is that why my knickers are half way down my legs then you fucking pervert?” Amelia screamed. She didn’t know if she had been taken advantage of but she was in distress. She pulled up her knickers and her tracksuit bottoms. “You wanted it whore, you wanted it!”

“You need to say thank you to me for the Xanax you fucking pill head. Lewis was right, you are a dirty skank”, Ralph shouted at Amelia aggressively.

“Skank, skank, skank, skank, skank. Skank. Dirty, ugly skank. Skank, skank, skank.”

“I just wish you would all leave me alone!” Amelia screamed whilst running down the stairs. She ran through the hallway and out of the front door. She ran up the street. It was quiet and Amelia was alone.