CHAPTER 8) Cuts ***TRIGGER WARNING***

Amelia left Tom’s early on the Sunday morning, much to his disappointment. Amelia reassured Tom that he would have a nice day catching up with his brother and doing brotherly things. He knew she was right. He held her and whispered “I love you so much babe. Amelia whispered,
“I love you too babe”. She then got into her car and started driving home. Tears began to stream from her eyes and began to blur her vision that she struggled to see where she was driving. She couldn’t believe the mess that she had now gotten into. Amelia wasn’t sure why she did what she did next. Instead of turning right to go home, she turned left and carried on driving for miles down the winding, country roads. She needed to be on her own. She needed time to think. It seemed random to Amelia but she carried on driving until she came to small hardware shop.

Amelia couldn’t work out if she was in control of her body, but she certainly didn’t feel like she was. She got out of her pink Mini, locked it and then began to browse the small, cramped aisles of the hardware shop. She walked past plenty of screws, nails and spirit levels. She stopped in the middle of the second aisle when she saw a packet of Stanley knife blades. She picked them up from the shelf and not to make herself look suspicious, also picked up a bag of nails. She went to go and pay for her items then returned to her car.

Amelia pulled off from the hardware shop and began to drive for miles and miles down several more country roads. She didn’t know where she was going or what she was doing, but she could feel herself filling up with more rage and hatred for herself. She found a lay by and pulled in and sat staring out of her windscreen for a while until she turned and looked at the blades she had purchased. Amelia couldn’t believe what she was thinking, but she just knew she had to. She looked out of her windscreen again. She noticed the herd of cows in the field next to where she was parked, all moving in the same direction and also noticed some remnants of a burst tire that had been left there. Amelia had no idea where she was and wiped the tears from her eyes. She looked at the blades that were sat on her front passenger’s seat. Amelia couldn’t control herself. She picked up the blades and ripped the packet open and picked up one of the blades. She sat and began to examine the blade. It was a shiny silver and could see her sapphire blue eyes reflecting back at her. She lifted the blade into the air and ran her finger against the new, sharp blade. She inspected her finger and noticed a small droplet of blood about to drip off the end. Amelia smiled. She knew what she had to do.

Amelia undid the zip on her jeans and pulled them to her knees. She could see very faint scars on her thighs that were constant reminders of her past. She remembered how good it felt to release the pain. It was the only way she managed to make it through the coming months after her rape. Amelia had not self harmed for almost three years, but she did not know how she could cope with this new pain. She pressed the blade hard into her thigh and began to slice her sweet, porcelain skin. Amelia took a deep breath and looked out of her driver’s window. She felt a sharp, burning sensation in her thigh. She looked down and saw a large cut, with crimson coloured blood trickling from her thigh. Amelia couldn’t believe how deep she had cut herself and let the blood drip from her wound for a few minutes. She liked the rush she felt. It was like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She then attacked the rest of her thigh, like a psychopath would attack their victims. Amelia did not stop until her entire thigh was covered in hundreds of cuts and scratches. She grabbed a scarf that was in her backseat and tied it round her thigh then pulled up her jeans.

Amelia suddenly regained control of her actions. She then began to ponder to herself. “Where the hell am I?” she thought. Amelia turned the key in the ignition and swung her car round in the opposite direction and began following the winding road back. Amelia glanced at her radio clock and saw that it was now two o’clock in the afternoon. “Shit”, Amelia thought. She had hoped that Tom had not text her parents to tell them she was on her way home. Amelia carried on driving and noticed a familiar building on her right hand side, the hardware shop that she had stopped at earlier. All Amelia wanted now was to be at home so she began to increase her speed and began overtaking cars round bends. Her driving became increasingly erratic. After a few near miss collisions, Amelia was finally home. She grabbed the blades and shoved them into her handbag, and began to limp indoors. Her parents’ car was not there so she assumed that the house was empty. Amelia ran up the stairs into her bedroom and slumped onto her bed.

She had just closed her eyes when she heard her ringtone on her phone sound. She got up and rummaged through her bag, throwing her clothes onto her bedroom floor. Eventually she found her purple blackberry and opened the text message she had on her phone. She didn’t recognise the number so she assumed it would be a text sent to the wrong number. As she read the message her eyes widened and she took a large gulp. "Dirty slut". She knew exactly who was behind it. Lewis must have asked Tom for her number. Now she would never be able to escape his torment.