Chapter 26) The Visit

Sarah, Sam and Amelia were sat on the brown sofa's in the lounge, watching the widescreen television. Sarah and Sam were watching tea time quiz shows, whilst Amelia was only paying minimal attention. Amelia was looking around the room. The walls were painted cream and the floor had been recently recarpeted with dark brown carpet. The room was filled with several sofas around the room for the patients to gather and watch television together. Amelia had noticed that this room seemed more dull than the dining room, as the walls were mostly bare except for a few safety posters. Amelia had noticed that the door to the garden was at the back of the lounge. Amelia had forgotten what fresh air felt and smelled like. Amelia imagined her beautiful garden at home, sat under the apple trees with a gentle breeze blowing on her face. Amelia was interrupted from her thoughts as Sam had begun hurling abuse at the smug quiz show contestants on the television.

Amelia looked at the clock in the lounge, and noticed that the time was nearing six o'clock. She began to feel sick and her palms began to sweat. Amelia was now fidgety and restless. She didn't know how she was going to get through visiting time. What if her parents were angry with her? What if Melanie was ashamed of her? What if her family didn't turn up at all? Amelia's mind and heart was racing. She began to panic, and ran out of the lounge but just as she reached the nurses station, she saw three familiar figures speaking to one of the nurses. Amelia stood still and turned a paler shade of white than she already was. She took a deep breathe and fixated on the ground as she didn't want to catch her family's eye as she was ashamed of herself.

Amelia could hear Melanie talking to the nurses, but she couldn't make out what her sister was saying as everything seemed to be a blur to Amelia. Melanie looked up momentarily and saw her sister stood by the lounge doorway. She stopped talking to the nurse and ran up to her sister and wrapped her arms round her. "Amelia!" Melanie shrieked. "I've missed you so much! How are you?" Amelia remained silent, with her eyes still fixated on the floor. Catherine and Larry walked over to their daughter. Catherine wrapped her arms round Amelia, whilst Amelia stood rigid and still, trying to stop herself from bursting into tears. "It's good to see you baby girl", Larry said to Amelia, whilst patting her on the back. Amelia took her parents and Melanie into the dining room and sat at one of the large pine tables.

Amelia had now become fixated on the ceiling. The atmosphere was tense, and nobody had said a word since they had sat down. "So then Amelia, how are you feeling?" Catherine asked her daughter, tentatively. Amelia was still staring at the ceiling. Melanie was getting irritated with Amelia's avoidant behaviour, "Amelia, look at me for god's sake!" she demanded, whilst waving her hand infront of Amelia's face. "Stop it Mel. I just don't know what to say. What would you say if you were me? Would you say that life was fantastic and never better?" Amelia said, sarcastically. "No honey, we know it's difficult being in here. We just wanted to see you", Catherine reasoned. "You know nothing", Amelia snapped.

Five minutes of silence passed, with the atmosphere between the family becoming more and more strained. Amelia eventually broke the silence. "How is Tom?" she asked.
"Erm, he's fine", Melanie answered sheepishly.
"You're lying to me. He's not said anything has he?" Amelia raised her voice.
"It's tough on him Amelia. His family has been completely torn apart and his girlfriend is in hospital. His life has been turned completely upside down. Give him time honey", Larry reassured his daughter. "And what about my life? Is my life not upside down? He could have least asked about me. He doesn't care. Nobody cares, and if they did I wouldn't be stuck in here!" Amelia snarled. Amelia had become so enraged that she got up from her seat, punched the table and stormed off into her bedroom.

Why could nobody understand Amelia's frustration? Amelia was crying hard into her pillow when she heard a knock at the door. "Go away!" Amelia yelled.
"Amelia, I am Cindy, one of the nurses. I know you are upset and angry and I will go away in a minute, but I have got some things that your parents have brought you from home. Can I come in and just pop them in your room?" Cindy asked Amelia calmly on the other side of her door. Amelia got up from her bed, and opened her door to let Cindy in. "Thank you Amelia. They have brought you another bag of clothes and some photos. They have also brought in your mobile phone and ipod", Cindy said. Amelia began to cry hysterically. "I...was...so...horrible", Amelia blubbed.
"Horrible fucking bitch!" Amelia flinched.
Cindy noticed Amelia jump. "It's understandable Amelia. This is such a difficult time for you. This is a strange place. You are away from home and you no doubt feel like absolute shit. It's bound to be difficult for you honey. Maybe it was too soon to see your family. The key is not to rush things. Take your time", Cindy told Amelia, in her attempt to calm Amelia down.
"I miss them. I, I really do. I just, it's just. It's like I get angry all the time, because, I don't know why. But I feel like they shouldn't ask me stupid questions. I feel like I am letting them down. I'm angry. I'm angry with myself. How did I let things get this far?" Amelia confided.
"When we are under an enormous amount of pressure, it affects us in different ways. We can be ground down and we don't even notice how bad things have got, until, well until you are in a place like this. But now you can get well again. You can rest and get well again. It will be difficult, but you will get there Amelia", Cindy told Amelia, reassuringly.
"Kill yourself, you awful cow. Kill yourself. Fucking kill yourself!""I just wish things were different. I wish I'd jumped off that bridge while I had the chance. If I could get hold of something, or get out. I should have listened to them", Amelia sobbed, whilst her head was now being plagued by constant mumbling and chatter.
"Do you feel like you want to harm yourself Amelia?" Cindy asked, who had now become increasingly concerned about Amelia.
"Do it! Do it!""Get away from me!" Amelia yelled whilst holding her head in her hands.
"Amelia sweetheart, I'm just going to get another nurse to get you some medication to help settle you down. I think today has been traumatic for you and has upset you. I am worried about you, so I am going to sit with you just for tonight, then see how you feel in the morning", Cindy said with concern and caring. Her calm manner seemed to relax Amelia a little.

A few minutes later, Cindy returned with Amelia's medication in sat in the doorway. Cindy was tall and was wearing a royal blue nurses dress, with a belt that fitted her small waist perfectly. The buckle of the belt was a unique silver and celtic design. Amelia looked at Cindy and noticed that she had the most beautiful auburn hair, with freckles and bright green eyes. Amelia was interrupted from her thoughts when she heard a voice behind her. "Lesbian. Dirty, lesbian whore. Kill yourself when she's not looking. Evil, evil girl. Dirty, raped slut. Disgusting, shameful. You deserve to go to hell! Fuck off to hell! Get raped by the devil, that's all you deserve". Amelia began to sob and covered her eyes until the medication began to take effect, and she fell asleep.